In the weeks and months after a loved one has passed away, you will reach a time when you start thinking about memorializing your loved one by placing a headstone at their grave site.

The placing of a headstone on a grave site is a long-standing tradition dating back to biblical times.

There are several steps to planning an appropriate headstone unveiling ceremony at a Schara Tzedeck Cemetery.  These are:

• Setting the date for the unveiling
• Selecting the design and wording
• Selecting a monuments vendor
• Details of the unveiling services
• Fees and costs
• Annual remembrance and services

This document will provide you with all the necessary information that will help you in this process.

Setting the date

Customs differ from family-to-family, and community-to-community.  In Vancouver, the custom is to place the headstone within the first year.  For Ashkenazi Jews, this is done after Shloshim (the 30-day mourning period commencing on the date of burial), and is often scheduled during a time of the year that is most convenient for the family.  (Sephardic Jews often follow the custom of unveiling a headsone after Shiva, but before the completion of Shloshim.  If this is the custom you plan to follow, please contact us immediately so we can assist you with this process.)

It is important to work with the Schara Tzedeck

Cemetery Board when scheduling the date and time, as we will ensure that clergy is available and that the headstone has been properly set on the grave site before the unveiling service begins.

Selecting the design and wording

There are many designs for headstones.  One look through any cemetery, or the design options offered by stone manufacturers provide an almost limitless array of design options.  The policy of the Schara Tzedeck Cemetery Board is to permit only “pillow” style headstones except in areas where upright stones are already prevalent.  Consult with the Cemetery Board office if you plan to purchase an upright stone.

Wording on the stone is standardized, and includes appropriate Hebrew text including the deceased’s Hebrew name and the date of death.  This information is, of course, also presented in English (or in another appropriate language of the family’s choosing.)  We will work directly with the manufacturer of the stone by providing all the required Hebrew text.

It is often appropriate to include brief text about the person, for example, “Beloved husband, father and grandfather.”  Often, some other appropriate words may be added, such as “A woman of valour”, or “An inspiring and loving man”.  These statements should be short and simple.  It is also Jewish custom that such statements about the deceased should be humble, and should not embellish the deceased’s qualities and praises, as the deceased’s soul will have to account for what is written during judgement.

It should also be noted that the Schara Tzedeck Cemetery Board reserves the right to refuse to allow the placement of a headstone that it deems to be in poor taste, inappropriate, insulting to the deceased or others interred in the cemetery.

The base of the headstone can either be concrete or granite.  Please consult with the stone manufacturer about the options available and their associated cost.

Selecting the monument vendor

The Schara Tzedeck Cemetery Board does not stipulate which vendor should be chosen to design and manufacture the headstone.  We have, however, worked closely with one vendor that has been in business in Vancouver for more than a century.

J.B. Newall is located on Fraser Street and East 35^th Avenue (across from Mountain View Cemetery), and manufacturers almost 100% of the headstones at our cemeteries.  We have developed a good working relationship with J.B. Newall, and have an efficient system for ensuring that the Hebrew text is correctly inscribed on the stone.  They are well-versed in our policies and procedures.  The website address for J.B. Newall is www.jbnewall.com, and their phone number is (604) 327-1312.  Their address is 5096 Fraser Street in Vancouver.

Families are most welcome to shop around as they see fit, or conduct business with a company they already have a relationship with.  We will work with any vendor to ensure the headstone is completed properly.

Headstones have a wide range in price.  The typical range of price for a headstone is between $1,000 and $2,200 (at the time of writing).  Of course, the final cost will depend on several factors which should be discussed in detail with the stone vendor.

The headstone does take time to manufacture.  Please ensure you contact the vendor at least three months in advance of the planned unveiling date to determine what lead time will be required.  Lead times vary based on the season, and how much work they have back-logged.

If you are Sephardic and require a headstone before the completion of Shloshim, contact the vendor as soon as possible to advise them of your requirements.

Details of the unveiling service

The service itself is typically about 15 minutes in duration, and takes place at the grave site.  It is usual to have a Rabbi and Cantor perform the service, as there are certain psalms and prayers that should be recited.  On arrival at the grave site, the headstone will be covered with a black cloth.  At the appropriate time, the Rabbi will ask family members to come forward and remove the cloth covering.  The Rabbi with then read the complete text of the headstone in both Hebrew and English.

A few words about the deceased will be spoken.  This can be done by the Rabbi, but often one or more family members may speak as well.  The unveiling of the headstone typically represents the last public gathering honouring the deceased, and it is appropriate to deliver a brief eulogy.  As time has passed since the time of death, and the shock and pain felt by the loss may by now have transitioned to feelings of acceptance of the realities of life and inevitable death, this eulogy often takes on a lighter tone, but it also must be remembered that the unveiling service is still a somber ceremony that should be conducted with the utmost of dignity.

The last part of the service involves the direct family members reciting the Kaddish (the Jewish memorial prayer).  For the Kaddish to be recited, a minyan must be present.  A Minyan is quorum of ten adult Jewish men.  (If you do not believe that a Minyan will be present, please consult us or the Rabbi conducting the service so that arrangements can be made to ensure a Minyan is present.)

It is also customary for those present at the service to place small stones on near the headstone.  This is a very old custom, and scholars have suggested many reasons why this is done.  Containers containing small stones for this purpose are in several places around the cemetery. 

Families are welcome to invite anyone they choose to attend the unveiling service.  Non-Jews are certainly welcome to attend, but cannot, or course, be counted as part of a Minyan.

The Rabbi and Cantor typically selected to perform the unveiling service are those who performed the funeral service.  However, families may choose any Rabbi and/or Cantor they wish to perform the service.

Following the service, families will sometimes host a reception.  This is completely up to the family.  We can assist in this by providing catering assistance.  We will only provide catering of Kosher meals under Orthodox supervision.  It is most appropriate to consider that following such a service, that if a meal is to be served, it should be Kosher to honour the memory of the deceased.  However, it should be stressed that once the service at the grave site is complete, unless asked to perform more services, we consider our role complete.

Fees and costs

The cost of the headstone, as mentioned earlier in this document should be between $1,000 and $2,200.  Ensure that you get a firm quote from the manufacturer.

The fees paid to the Rabbi and Cantor are prepaid by the family as part of the Funeral Services Contract that was entered at the time of death.  Families are under no obligation to make any further payment to the clergy who perform the unveiling service, however, some families may choose to further compensate clergy for their services.  While any such additional payment is welcome, it is neither expected nor required.

The Schara Tzedeck Cemetery Board charges a fee for the placement of the headstone over the grave site, including installing the base.  If you have chosen to use a concrete base, we will provide this base and install it at no cost.  The fee (at the time of writing this document) is $250.  If you are purchasing the headstone from J.B. Newall, they will provide the Cemetery Board with your payment information, or advise how you may pay this fee directly to us.

Annual remembrances and services

It is Jewish custom to visit the cemetery annually, to visit the deceased and pay homage to their lives.  For most Jews, this visit usually takes place between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.  By far the “biggest” visiting day of the year at our cemeteries is the Sunday between these two holidays.  On that day, there will be staff present to assist in finding graves.  There are also several special ceremonies that take place at our cemeteries on that day.  The Cemetery Board office will have information on the web site with the details of such services and events.

It is also appropriate to have headstones cleaned periodically, to keep them looking fresh.  It is one way for families to continue to care for their deceased relative years and even decades after they have passed on.  The Cemetery Board can provide this service directly for a reasonable cost.  Headstones should be cleaned every five to ten years.  The cost of cleaning and/or restoration ranges from $50 to $200 depending on the condition of the stone.

Conclusion

We hope that this document has provided you with enough information to plan the unveiling of the headstone of your loved one.  If you need clarification, please call us anytime.